Tired......

The passing this week of Jackie Lewis has put many things into perspective.  She lived more in her 32 years than I have in 48.  She was wiser at 32 than I am at 48.  She was more true to herself at 32 than I am at 48.  So what do I do?  The way I see it, there are a few options:
1)  I can just keep  going the way I am, and think "it'd be  nice to have been able to accomplish some of that by the time I was 32, but I'm too old now, so I'll just continue my life the way it is",
2)  I can be bitter - envious of the life she led and the life she had, and continue down my path thinking "it's not fair",
3)  I can take lessons from her short life, and move forward with mine, hoping for enough years to make a difference.

Since I'm really not keen on options 1 and 2, I'm thinking I'll take door number 3.

Jackie was an inspiration to so many women, and I count myself among them.  She was a devout Christian woman, who loved and supported her husband, who cherished her children, and gave more of herself in a conversation than most people do in their entire lives.  So here's the thing:

I'm tired.  I'm tired of feeling as though I have to be apologetic for being Christian.  I'm tired of thinking I have to be so politically correct.  I'm tired of just waving aside those things I find objectionable that may have an impact on my life.  I'm tired of having "friends" on Facebook who do NOT share any of my life views or beliefs, and I'm tired of just hiding their updates so as not to offend when I post something.

I'm tired of being someone I truly am not, and lying to myself about it.

I'm about to post an update on Facebook that will likely stir the pot and see my "friends" list decrease dramatically.   I'm still trying to figure out the wording, but it is not going to be apologetic, likely not politically correct,and will likely offend some people.

Wording:
Long, but important to all on my friends list:
The passing this week of an amazing woman has made me take stock of many aspects of my life.  As a result, one of things I am going to do is clean up my Facebook friends list.  For those who have made it through past purges, this one is different.   The following may offend some people, and if it does, feel free to unfriend me because this is how it is, and how it shall remain.  I am no longer going to pretend or be apologetic.  I am a Christian woman, who believes in God, monogamous marriage, personal responsibility, and personal accountability.  I believe in respecting others,and I believe that men and women are different - neither is inferior or superior, but we are different.  I believe a difference can be made in society, and want to be a part of that.  I'm tired of feeling as though I have to apologise for my faith, my beliefs, and my morals.  I'm tired of the intense media influence that has so changed our society into a negative and hostile one.  I'm tired of an "education" system that has dumbed down our society so dramatically over the years, and the attitudes that have allowed it to happen.  I am tired of seeing how dependent on government our society has become.  I am tired of feeling pressured to be "politically correct", take a look around and see how far that's gotten us.  I am tired of seeing that you can drop an F-bomb anywhere, but say "God" or "Christ" in  faithful sense and everyone goes into fits.  Most of all, I'm tired of feeling as though there is an expectation that I am to surround myself with people who are not tired of these things, people who accept these things, in order that I am to be politically correct.  There is no value in time spent with those who do not share - or at the very least respect - my faith, beliefs and morals.  Time is valuable, and I have spent too much of it not being true to myself.  Moving forward, I will have those in my life who are of like mind-set.  Those who disagree or wish to call me by their choice of disrespectful or negative adjectives will not be welcome.  I will no longer accept being tired, I will be energized by those around me.  I plan on leaving this up for a few days before I purge, because it's possible I don't know some of you as well I may have thought.  The responses, or lack of responses, to this will help me figure out who does not bring value to my life in some way, and who it's time to move away from.

You don't have a thousand years

We hear this from stage quite often, and it's on several CDs.  You don't have a thousand years.  Well, I know that.  Everyone knows that, right?  But that's when you take it literally.  Take it by the spirit of the meaning, and it's a bit different.  For example, if you don't have a thousand years, how long DO you have?  Well, none of us know, not really.

A great woman passed away today.  She shouldn't have.  She was young (mid thirties), had four children, a wonderful husband, and a life that many of us yearn for.  We saw her on stage two weeks ago at a major in Columbus.  She and her husband flew out to California to speak, then all the way across the country to speak the next day in Columbus.  Wow.  There she was, just being her.  She was sparkly, and energetic, and having fun, and......alive.

A few days ago the news came out that she was in a major health crisis.  Further details were released (obviously not all of them), and it turns out that she had been travelling to Puerto Rico a few weeks ago.  They "suspect" insect bites from that trip, but that is the extent of the reference. (The quotes around the word "suspect" are from her update blog, not mine.)   If that's the case, she already had whatever was in her body when we saw her speak.

She went to the ER with "flu-like" symptoms.  Within 36 hours she was in ICU with organ issues, fluid in her lungs (causing respiratory issues), and high fever.  Within another 36 hours she was on machines for her life, with swelling on her brain that they couldn't control.  This morning she passed away.  Five days.  Five freaking days, from feeling like it was the flu, to having her husband needing to plan a funeral, and her four children trying to figure out what to do (that's an assumption, but I figure it's a pretty safe one).  All of their children are pre-teen.  They have a massive support system to fall back on, in friends, family, and mentors.  But in the end, she's gone.

Five days to take a young, energetic, vibrant, beautiful, smart, funny lady away.  Five days.  No, we don't have a thousand years.  Most of us don't have a hundred years.  But how many of us know how many days we have?

Live Life.

RIP Jackie Lewis.  You were beautiful inside and out, and I treasure the memory of meeting you and Bill at a Major last year.  You have touched many lives in your short life, and your legacy will go on.  You will be missed.